I've Had Enough...

There's an old saying in the internet, think before you click. I've been silent these past few months because I am really busy with all of the pending articles and sideline work but lately I've been reading a lot of bashing on me, mostly on Facebook and its really getting on my nerves already and most of it are getting personal and here's what I have to say on this. Before I say my thoughts on this, I would have to warn you, what I will say on this post is not going to be pretty and forgive me, there will be a lot of swearing on this, so if you have children with you, I would refrain from reading it.

Lately I've been reading to a lot of people calling me names, most especially the gay word, really? If you're telling me that just because I'm single that does mean that I'm gay because I don't want to date girls, and always hang out with the guys? Here's what I have to say: FUCK YOU AND SCREW YOU!!! (Yeah, I really intend to put it in CAPS just to get my message clear) I have some gay friends but that doesn't mean I'm one of them, so to the fucktards who are still calling me gay and blatantly still making jokes and insults, to tell you the truth: people who calling me gay are really true gays, they are mere keyboard warriors who are at nothing to insult you and pulling you down.

Sorry to say this but get your facts straight because you don't know me personally, all you've been getting are full of fuck shit. Do you want to know the truth?! Okay, I'll tell you: the very reason why I'm still single?! The reason why I'm still single because I'm still had emotional trauma from a girl that I really liked which happens to be my officemate from the first company I've worked with (when I always talk to her which made me very comfortable being around with her) but never really confessed my feelings because of my fear of what happens to the previous ones: being rejected, but because of this same fear, it never happened and it was already too late, she already got a boyfriend and married to that guy, I was really hurt from that.

But I had already let it go from that, but it was years later that my former superior told me the million dollar question out of the blue: "Did you and that girl had a MU (Mutual understanding)?" I was stunned at that one question because I told no one in the office that I have a crush on our former officemate, after that question, I didn't answer that but instead I answered "How did you know that?!" because I never told that to anyone. The next thing that I did? Of course I was furious and angry, I not only blame myself but also blamed my former superior because of that, it had opened the emotional scars. Even I left the office in 2008, it still deep in my mind. True I respected my former boss at work, but as a friend, I felt betrayed. Its okay for me to say anything negative about me, but when it comes to matters of the heart, that's a different matter. You've mess with me with this one, then I will hate you for the rest of my life.

Even after from that, My former superior contacted me to work on-call for her in a new company where she works now as a tech support and she did pull another insensitive joke on me again regarding to that girl I liked. That's the last straw and she really crossed the line, I packed my bags, tools, whatever and left, never to look back again. Every time she PMs me on FB, I always snarled at her and I haven't forgiven her for what she did, even if its true or not. Now she no longer communicates with me, and I'm already at peace with that, I haven't talked to her in 8 years.

Because of that incident, I firmly decided not to pursue another relationship anymore because I'm already emotionally broken, and it already gave me emotional stress, not just physically but mentally as well. I did my personal therapy on my own to recover by forbidding myself listening to western music (except for some Beatles and old 60's to 80's music) and embraced listening to Japanese music which I'm very much calmer listening to. Also the most important therapy of all: toy collecting, the one and only thing that keeps me from getting an emotional breakdown.

Now that I'm well after what I had been through, it seems I have more problems and the fact that some toy collectors I personally know (I know who you are, but I will no longer mention their names) had been doing some dick moves to bring me down by calling me gay or any names that I'm everyone's mascot for their personal enjoyment. Well, not anymore because I'm not your mascot to begin with, I've been in this toy collecting business for over 20 years and these personal insults of the same people who I constantly talked with in the community.

If you think I'm the sad individual, better look yourselves in the mirror, you guys are much sadder because you can't handle your own problems and always pinning down on the weakest, which is me. Well no longer, from now on I'll be ignoring all of your inexcusable fuck shits and go on with my life. This will be my last ultimate rant.

Now if you excuse me, I have lots of work need to be done, pending articles to finish and work on my friend's game account.